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Writer's pictureMichelle Fegatofi

A Brief Reality Check of BDSM and Submission


The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book dedicated solely for #Submissives:


  1. You do have rights. You have the right to walk away at any time for any reason. 

  2. No one can keep up a 24/7 high protocol lifestyle for long without a break for of kids, family, work and other life events. 

  3. No man has an erection continuously. Unless they're priapic, in which case, a doctor's visit is in order.

  4. There is such a thing as PMS, and no amount of Dominance will make it go away.

  5. Your cyber safeword is the off button on the front of your computer. Use it.

  6. There are going to be times when you don't feel like having sex. It does and will happen. Prepare yourself mentally for it because it is just a part of life and does not mean you are a bad submissive.

  7. Living a 24/7 Lifestyle is not a myth. Living 24/7 in chains, naked and kneeling is.

  8. There will come a time when you see your Dominant scratching himself, belching and in need of a shower. They are only human.

  9. No one understands your collar and its true meaning but you. Being proud to wear it everywhere is different than showing it off at the local market.

  10. Eventually, you're going to have to take off the slave cuffs to go to some real life appointment. Get used to it.

  11. People get sick. People die. Use a condom, please, unless you've been tested twice in the last year, and so has your partner.

  12. Don't walk away from your friends. You might well need them later, if your dream Dominant turns into a frog.

  13. If you want something, ask. Ask respectfully, ask in role, and ask in good faith. But ask. If you don't, chances are, you not going get it.

  14. Just because you call yourself a slave, doesn't mean that others will agree with your definition. Be prepared to defend your views, but don't growl at others for their opinions. They have a right to them, same as you do.

  15. Just because the screen name says Master doesn't mean he is one.

  16. There are things you won't do in Real Life that you role played with online. 

  17. BDSM is not always about sex. 

  18. People are not always nice. You will not play at every party you attend. If you are not careful and always aware of your surrounds, you may get hurt in a non-consensual way.

  19. Your Dominant is not a mind reader. You need to always be open and honest with your feelings.

  20. Your Mistress is not always dressed in thigh highs and hose. A Master does not always have his flogger nearby. Sometimes, it's time for sweat pants and hot cocoa.

  21. An argument is not the end of the world. Not resolving it, however, might be.

  22. Sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. A beating is just a beating. And a kiss is just a kiss. Enjoy it, remember it, and move along. 

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