Is Online BDSM Redefining Roles of the Traditional Lifestyle?

Written in cooperation with Marco Belcastro Bara

I am in a lot of different #BDSM groups on several #social #media sites. While they are great at conveying information, as well as passing on knowledge to new people, I am afraid that the current crop of people joining in the past 5 years or so are trying to completely #change the very foundations of the BDSM lifestyle into something completely different and almost unrecognizable. In doing this, it no longer would be BDSM, but something different that has yet to be named.

In the #old #guard, we have very strict #definitions of what a dominant is, a submissive is, a slave is, and a master or mistress is. The #rules of #conduct for each of these roles also have a base foundation that they grew out of. While everyone will have different protocols and utilize different rules for their #dynamic, the base foundation of each defined role is the same.

For example, if you are a submissive, the amount of #submission you give your dominant is #negotiated between you and he or she. Most likely, you will not be a full-time submissive. While there are people who live submission in a 24/7 capacity, they still have a greater range of freedom to make everyday decisions on their own than a slave would in a #traditional BDSM dynamic.

If you are a #collared submissive, you are not owned. You are taken, spoken for, or in a dynamic, but it is not considered being owned. If you are a slave, then you are in a dynamic in which you have a master or mistress. This means that you are #owned. If you do not have a current relationship in which the master or mistress is present, but you are still identifying as a #slave, then you are an un-owned slave.

A submissive can be collared or un-collared. But a submissive (who is not a slave) will never be owned because the nature of the role is not that of an M/s dynamic, but a D/s dynamic.

Now, I know there are going to be many people pissed off when they read this. Those people are mainly going to be the ones who became interested in BDSM since 50 Shades of Gray. And usually, they are people who practice their version of lifestyle online only, or just with their spouse or significant other.

With all these #newbies in BDSM groups and BDSM specific #websites, trying to change what are the very basic #foundations and roles of what the lifestyle has been built on for decades, they are transforming it into a completely different lifestyle. Growing and #adapting are one thing, but redefining decades-old roles is completely different.

While BDSM does have a large umbrella, and I do agree every single dynamic is different, no two dynamics are going to have the same rules or protocols, and every relationship is based on different principles, and when you change the base definition of master/slave or dominant/submissive, you change the foundation of what most of us know as the BDSM Lifestyle.

Right now if you’re reading this, you’re thinking I am completely wrong or I’m extremely old-school. You’re right about one thing, I am old school, and I don’t want to see the Old Guard BDSM lifestyle that I have lived for over 20 years, changed so extremely that I don’t even recognize it myself.

When I say completely changed, I’m talking about submissives or slaves who commonly top from the bottom and say that is normal. I’m talking about people who call themselves Dominants or Masters accepting any and all types of behavior from their submissives because they think it’s cute. I’m talking about subs that constantly defy their Doms on every turn just because they want to, with no reason as to why they are not following the directions of their dominant. I’m talking about subs and slaves who take pride in calling themselves brats and go out of their way to be #bratty to their Dominant, which is extremely disrespectful and unacceptable behavior in the old school or Old Guard way of practicing BDSM.

While a #strong submissive who takes more work to earn their submission is greatly desired and wanted in the lifestyle, behavior from a submissive or slave that continuously disregards orders, talks back #aggressively, does things to #embarrass their dominant online or in the real world on purpose, is not acceptable behavior in most real life dungeons and real life dynamics. And if you think this is acceptable behavior in a BDSM submissive or slave role, then I have no idea what lifestyle you are practicing.

Let me specify, I am making a very huge distinction between a submissive that has play for brattiness versus a smart ass bratty person who pretends to be submissive. They are two extremely different things. When the main goal and desire of a submissive or slave is to serve their dominant or master, why would they willfully disregard the basic role of a sub or a slave?

As a slave, I could never and would never, disrespect my Padrone on purpose. That never has crossed my mind and it has never happened in the eight years we’ve been together. While we do play and mess with each other, it’s fun and funny, but never in a hurtful or mean way. And I never go against any of his rules. If there is something that I don’t understand, I ask questions. Just because I am his slave, doesn’t make me a mindless doormat. It means I am an adult and I have chosen consensual slavery. It also means I am perfectly capable of asking him to explain something to me more in depth if I need it.

So, regardless of who you are, what your role is, what title you give yourself, or how you decide to practice, please consider and respect the traditions and history of those that came before instead of taking something and changing it to a completely different Lifestyle that loses the meaning of what the basic roles were meant to be.